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Bankruptcy is more than a financial state. The stresses both before and after can take a toll on your family relationships, health and emotional well being.
"It's an uncommon loss. Obviously, in addition to the stress of the money, for many people there will be a feeling of failure, a sense of shame, a sense of letting others down," says Mark Gorkin, author of soon-to-be-released, "Practice Safe Stress: Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout and Depression." "Some people build up a callous. Others feel this is one more confirmation of my not being capable, competent, worthy."
His tips for reducing the stress:
1. Talk about it. Don't suffer in silence, says Gorkin. "There's all this charged emotion," he says. "It's important first to try and talk about it with the people [who] are involved" -- like a spouse, family member or friend.
"And if you're not quite ready to open up, find an objective person, a counselor or spiritual leader," says Gorkin. Good low-cost resources: local United Way organizations or public mental health clinics.
If your bankruptcy is related to other factors such as job loss or illness, networking or support groups can be a good place to socialize and improve your financial picture at the same time.
"The most important thing is you don't have to be isolated," says Gorkin, "and can be with people who don't judge you too harshly."
2. Acknowledge that it's painful. "There's a loss. It feels like a death on some level," says Gorkin. "You need to do some grieving so you can feel a little more energized."
3. Remember the four R's. As with other types of stress, there are things you can do to take back control of your life and your emotions.
--Running or regular exercise. "Not only does it improve your stamina and release endorphins that are mood enhancers, but there's a beginning and end point and a tangible sense of accomplishment and control, which is exactly what is missing in your life at this point," says Gorkin.
--Reading. "Read light-hearted stuff, something that will help you start laughing again," recommends Gorkin. TV is good once in a while, "but you don't want to become a zombie."
--Reflect on what happened. After enough time has gone by -- and you have some perspective -- analyze the situation dispassionately. This is where you learn from your experience. Some examples: How did you get into bankruptcy? What were the early warning signs? What could you have done differently? What would you do differently now? And what are you doing to make sure it won't happen again?
--Write. Writing about what you've been through, what you're feeling and what you're doing now can be "another vehicle for reflection and expression," says Gorkin.
4. Recover at your own pace. "Take some time to clean out your wounds," says Gorkin. "Rebuild a sense of control. And get yourself ready for the new focus."
5. Rejoice in new beginnings. You went through bankruptcy to get a new financial start. Enjoy it. Hopefully, you've learned how to plan and manage more effectively. Now you can avoid the pitfalls and rebuild good credit. "While going through this loss is painful," says Gorkin, "it has the potential of eventually creating a [new] foundation."
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